No Joy in Mudville : CBSSports.com Blogs

Rock N' Jock HR Derby

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:46:27 EDT

After watching the home run derby last night, I came to the realization that Josh Hamilton has ruined all home run derby's from here on out. His 23 homeruns in the first round of the 2008 Home Run Derby, makes every other performance seem down right mundane and not worthy of my time. Last night, Prince Fielder and Nelson Cruz each hit 11 homeruns in the first round which is usually a big deal, but it no longer is.

As a matter of fact, I bet the majority of baseball fans can't name the winner of last year's home run derby, but they can tell you that Josh Hamilton broke the record for homeruns in any round of a homerun derby. And not only that, but I guarantee you most people will tell you that Mr. Hamilton was the actual winner of the home run derby.

Another stud pitcher in pin stripes?

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:05:20 EDT

Did anyone else pick up on the subliminal message sent out by Roy Halladay when asked about his interest in a trade? His response was, "I'd rather hit (in the national league) than have to face (Derek) Jeter, A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez ), (Hideki) Matsui, (Mark) Teixeira and those guys."

Let me translate that for you. "I would love to play for the Yankees where I would surely lead them to a World Series Championship, and my numbers would be even better since I wouldn't have to face the juggernauts in the Yankees lineup."

I don't know about you, but that seems pretty clear to me. He stated that hitting isn't really something that he was good at as he offered it as an unwarranted alternative to facing a ridiculous lineup, and the only way to ensure that he doesn't have to pitch against those guys is to play on the same team as them. Everyone knows the old adage, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Well Roy Halladay seems to be very familiar with that saying.

Pepto Joey

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:31:57 EDT

In case you were too busy stuffing your own face this weekend on the Fourth of July, you might have missed American professional eater, Joey Chestnut, claim his third consecutive hot dog eating championship. The hot dog eating competition is considered the Super Bowl of professional eating, which is held each year on the Fourth of July at Coney Island. Chestnut once again outlasted national superstar Kobayashi and set a new world record by eating 68 hot dogs in a span of 10 minutes. Now I don't know about you, but that sounds not only absolutely obsurd but it sounds like something that a human being should not be able to accomplish. After about five hot dogs, you can point me to the nearest corner with a big garbage bag and I'll see you in about half an hour. So when I hear 68 hot dogs, it makes me want to sit on the john and read the dictionary from cover to cover.

Starting Lineup Search

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 9:53:51 EDT

Last week, I did a piece on gumball football helmets that we all enjoyed collecting as children that have now become collector's items and sell for thousands of times their original value. This week, I thought it would only be fitting to cover another collector's item that falls under the same category. Whether or not you collected starting lineup figures, I am pretty sure you received one as a gift or somehow found one in your closet.

As a child I had about 10 of these figures which I purchased myself just because I was collecting my favorite players. After they sat on my desk, I eventually found ways to put them to use besides an aesthtically pleasing feel to my room. I would line them up on my dresser and then stand on the other side of my room with the Nerf bow and arrow and...you guesses it...shoot them off like I was at a firing range. This is probably one of my most fun memories as a child, but it was short lived after mom realized that starting lineup figurines violently flying against the wall at close range leave permanent marks on the wall in an array of colors. The creative side of me felt that the many random color marks on the wall added character to the room, but mom didn't share the same vision as me.

Reds exposed

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:21:43 EDT

I have always wondered how the Cincinnati Reds received their name and after last night, it's quite clear because the Philadelphia Phillies gave them a good ol' fashion butt whoopin'. The Phillies tied a club record for most runs in the first inning while the 22 runs allowed by the Reds was the most this season for the team. As a matter of fact, the previous worst defeat for the Reds, baseball's first professional franchise, was 26-6 on July 26, 1892 which was also against the Phillies. All of this makes perfect sense as Cincinnati named its team after the bright shade of red left on one's skin after receiving a painful spanking. There is even visual proof that back up such a claim.

Packed Stadium

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:50:09 EDT

With construction finally under way for the Marlins new ballpark, the team has also announced that it will change the capacity from 37,000 to 100. The change is part of an aggressive attempt by upper management to sell out more games and make the stadium look full when fans are watching the game on television. Here is what the ballpark should look like once it is completed.

Gumball Helmet Gold

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:10:19 EST

Do you remember those tiny football helmets in the gumball machines that were frequently seen when walking out of Publix or any other supermarket when you were a child? Of course you do, because whether or not you collected the helmets, you always convinced your mom to hand over her change in an attempt to pull your favorite team out of the machine. Granted, I always ended up getting more duplicates of the Jets helmets in an attempt to secure some Dolphins memorabilia, but I had to try anyway.

While I was able to procure the entire set on my own by countless turns of the quarter machine, it was no small task. I can remember riding my bike to Publix and sitting in front of the gumball machine with rolls of quarters in my pocket that I had collected or "borrowed" from my dad's stash of change. After months of work, and just after my 10th Green Bay Packers helmet, I finally completed the set with the last helmet that I needed, the Seattle Seahawks. Oh how glorious it looked when it hit the bottom of the machine. All the patrons in the store had no idea that they were part of a monumental occasion.

Lioncrow

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 13:59:26 EDT

I don't understand why the Lions would even consider sitting Matthew Stafford to begin the season. I understand that he is their franchise quarterback but that is even more of a reason to throw him into the fire. For most teams this would be a bit more understandable as they are attempting to protect their young quarterbacks, but there really isn't much to protect him from. News flash! The Lions didn't win a game last year. I could have been their quarterback and they would have had the exact same record. As a matter of fact, they could have thrown a scarecrow under center with a Lions jersey last year and they would have had the same record. They may have even beat the teams with birds as their mascot with a scarecrow out there, because we sure as hell know that they aren't scared of lions. Stafford has nothing to lose. He can win one game, and the fans will call him the second coming of...well, i can't really think of a quarterback that was ever good for the Lions, but you know where I am going with this. Either way, I say start Stafford or at least throw a scarecrow out their with his jersey on for marketting purposes.

Rickyland

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:04:42 EDT

With the Timberwolves' 5th selection in the 2009 NBA Draft, Ricky Rubio, not making an appearance at the Timberwolves' post-draft press conference, it is apparent that this will be an ongoing issue. Along with the statements that Ricky is receiving offers from teams in Spain and Turkey, there are reports that he is considering playing in Disneyland and Candyland as well. Both majestic franchises have made formidable offers and are offering Rubio the opportunity to share the limelight with household names. Imagine Ricky getting the chance to play with Mickey Mouse where he can show off his dribbling skills for little children or where kids can enjoy a Ricky Rubio game piece along the likes of Mr. Mint and Lord Licorice. There is even talk that if he signs a long term contract, that they would change the name of Candyland to Rickyland (Just imagine the nickname he would have if he decided to leave Candyland for the NBA). As enticing as this all sounds, Ricky's father is making it well known that Ricky is too good for any team, and will remain playing in the family backyard where his legend can continue to grow.

Bad News Bears

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:59:16 EDT

Despite the victory today, MLB is thinking of forcing Washington to change its team name to Bad News Bears. Even though they are not in danger of finishing the season with the worst record in in MLB history, which belongs to the Cleveland Spiders in 1899 (20-134), they are in danger of being known as one of the worst teams in baseball history. The two worst records in the past 50 years belong to the 1962 New York Mets (40-120) and the 2003 Detroit Tigers (43-119). Also intriguing is that the 1904 Washington Senators (38-113) and the 1909 Washington Senators (42-110) are extremely high on the list of the worst records ever. And suprisingly enough, the franchise with the most terrible seasons is the combination of the Philadelphia Athletics and Phillies, who take up nine spots on a list of 23.

Another Moneyball Meaning

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 3:46:03 EDT

Did anyone else find it odd that the Knicks simply purchased the 29th overall pick in the 2009 NBA draft on Thursday from the Lakers for $3M? I mean, I can't really blame the Lakers since they just won a championship and don't really need more players, so why not take the extra $3M. And I guess it's not really the Knicks fault since they are allowed to do it and desperately need help in adding as much talent as they can. However, there is just something that bothers me about being able to buy a draft pick from someone. It just gives me a feel of dishonesty for some reason, but maybe I'm just being ol' fashion. Either way, if this is going to continue to be a trend, maybe the NBA Championship Trophy should look more like this...

Renamed for Success

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:59:13 EDT

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but since the last blog I wrote urging the U.S. team to add wild animals to their team to make the competition fair, they have been on fire. Basically I talk about how much the U.S. Soccer team sucks and they go ahead make me look bad. They are playing better than they are supposed to be and quite frankly I still have no idea how they did beat Spain. This leads me to only one conclusion. They are frequent readers of No Joy in Mudville and they didn't take a liking to me calling them out. With that being said, I am going to critique the team once again as it prepares for the FIFA Confederations Cup Finals against Brazil. As we all know, Brazil is a powerhouse soccer club which breads its players from the time of birth, but that is not the real reason for their success. It's all about their superstar names which are similar to American icons like Cher, Madonna, Prince and Shaq. With names like Ronaldinho, Kaka, Ronaldo, Rivaldo, Robinho and of course Pele, how can they not be good.

The Real Athletes

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:34:29 EDT

A while back, a certain sports network had the discussion of who the greatest current athlete is. Names like LeBron James, Michael Phelps, Lance Armstrong and Terrell Owens were thrown around, and I can't quite remember who won, but in my opinion, none of them should have ever even been named. Now don't get me wrong, these are some of the greatest athletes of all time as they have dominated or will continue to dominate their sport for years, but these guys still aren't the best athletes in sports. The true athletes are the guys that are fat and out of shape, but still find a way to perform at a high level. It's easy to dominate when you work out and stay in perfect shape, but think about how hard it is to stay a professional athlete when your diet consists of cutting from a 12-pack down to a six back every day, and your idea of a work out is spending $1,000 on a lap dance from more than one girl.

Plax in Kevlar

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:13:18 EDT

With the Jets' interest in estranged wide receiver Plaxico Burress growing, team management is considering adding a clause in his contract which will force him to wear bullet proof sliding pants while on the field and bullet proof pants when attending any events off the field. As you can see with his hat-angle selection, his sense of style may be a bit limited with this news, but the Jets feel it is necessary to keep their possible star receiver safe from injury. The pockets on the pants are about the spot where the receiver shot himself, which works out perfectly as extra kevlar padding can be added to prevent this incident from happening again. The bullet proff sliding pants seem to be a bit excessive, but hey, we all saw what happened in "The Last Boyscout."

Night Vision Golf

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:13:27 EDT

As I watch the U.S. Open on a Monday, it just doesn't seem to have the same feel. To me, there is just something special about winning a major on Sunday. Not that the winner of this year's U.S. Open will care what day it falls on, but as a fan I would liked to have seen them finish this tournament yesterday. Obviously, thanks to rain and darkness, that just wasn't possible, so I was thinking, why not play at night? There are already golf courses with lights on them and there are also companies that you can hire to bring lights out to a field. There are also balls that glow in the dark, which sounds like a lot of fun, but all of this is not what I had in mind. I am talking about golf with night vision goggles on. Now that is entertainment! Television producers could even provide fans of a night vision view of the golf course. Granted this may not be the most ideal situation for the golfer, nor may it be the greatest idea, but it sure would be entertaining. How funny would it be to watch Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods playing down to the wire wearing night-vision googles?

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Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:13:27 EDT

Crazy or Manly?

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:15:18 EDT

That's a good question and I'm not quite sure I have the answer. So what is the best thing to do when you don't have an answer? Make up a word. That means they cranly. All of them. What am I talking about? Australian Rules Football players and rugby players. While at an Irish bar last night, McSorley's on the fort lauderdale beach to be exact, I happened to have the opportunity to watch Australia play Italy in the Australian Football League, which is very similar to rugby. I have watched this sport before, so when I saw them wearing helmets that were fit for a child when it first starts walking, I wasn't shocked, but I still had to shake my head and mumble a few curse words to myself which involved the word crazy, followed by an noun and a verb. I also found the scrums to be pretty intriguing, which is pretty much the equivalent of what happens on the line of scrimmage after the ball is slapped, except in this sport, they don't have any real helmets or pads on. Like I said, "crazy adjectiver verbers!!!!"

The New Windy City

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:14:30 EDT

Since steroids are actually illegal now in baseball, the Yankees have built a new stadium to apparently help increase the amount of homeruns that fly out of their ballpark. We have all heard about the ridiculous rate at which homeruns are flying out of Yankee Stadium, yet there has never really been a reason explained as to why this is happening. I also don't believe the Yankees spent that much money on a stadium without knowing what kind of wind patterns would be inside the stadium. Why would they care about an increased amount of homeruns you ask? Well, yes I understand that it does not give them an advantage as it helps both teams in the same way, but the Yankees have this player named Alex Rordiguez who is expected to break the homerun record by the end of his career which I'm sure is a record New York would like to have returned to Yankee Stadium, which Babe Ruth held for quite some time. And yes, I am accusing the Yankees of knowingly building a stadium where they knew a massive amount of homeruns would leave the ballpark. However, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with this idea as it's actually a pretty smart business move. So when Alex Rodriguez goes into the Hall of Fame, he will need a steroid asterisk and a wind-assisted asteriskon his plaque. And if you are interested, take a look at the graphic below for a detailed visual explanation of why the ball is flying out of Yankee Stadium at a record pace.

U.S. Soccer Team Adds a Wild Group

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:18:49 EDT

After the U.S. soccer team was embarrassed by Italy last week and Brazil today , FIFA released a statement allowing the U.S. team to add wild animals to its roster. After the statement was released, the Wildlife Foundation recommended the top athletes from around the World willing to play for the team. Barring any setbacks as the animals still must be granted citizenship and receive all their shots, five wild animals will be joining the team for defensive purposes. Jack Hanna has also been added to the staff as a personal trainer for the new additions as they have worked with him in the past. Now, without further ado, take a second to meet the newest memebers of the U.S. soccer team.

Grumpy the Elephant will find himself in goal and should add an unmeasurable height advantage over the rest of the goalies in the league. His strengths include knocking out players with his trunk, spearing players with his tusks, easily popping balls and unbearable gas. Grumpy is also twice the height of the goal when standing on two feet and as tall as the goal when standing on all fours. Last year in a match against the Southern Hemisphere, Grumpy surrounded his goal with piles of poop, creating in impenetrable forcefield of stench which only monkeys were able to stand. The game was actually cancelled when the monkeys started flinging the piles of poo at the fans of the opposing team. When asked to comment on how he feels about joining the team, he pooped himself, but his excitement could easily be seen.

Mike and Mike or Bert and Ernie?

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:20:32 EDT

Has anyone else noticed a striking resemblence of two popular radio/talkshow hosts on a certain unnamed network to Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street. Both duos are extremely well liked, love each other despite arguing at times and look astonishingly similar.

I don't know about you, but I feel a Saturday Night Live skit in the making.

A Cryin' Shame

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:46:10 EDT

So with the wonderful job of dealing with censored messages on Friday night, that meant only one thing...I needed to find a good movie to keep myself entertained. After doing that unenthusiastic search that everyone does through their friend's dvd collection, hoping to find a movie that they either have not seen more than five times or haven't yet seen, my girlfriend came across Marley & Me. I heard this was a pretty good movie and love dogs along with Jennifer Aniston...lol, so I agreed to watch it. Well, not only was it much better than I thought, but I have never watched a movie that has made me cry that much. Granted, I am a pretty emotional guy, but this was just ridiculous. Toward the end of the movie, I started thinking to myself, "OK, I am not going to cry...don't embarrass yourself." But then then my eyes filled up with water faster than cups on a football sideline manned my Bobby Boucher. And then I thought, "Well, this is no big deal, women like sensative guys and there is nothing wrong with crying during a movie." But then, the movie really started to hit home, and I felt a wheeping king of crying coming on...you know the one where you are trying to talk but nobody understands you because the only thing that comes out is a hiccup-like-scream fit only for the the mating calls of a sea lion. I tried extremely hard to keep my composure, but I was pretty much a complete mess. Thankfully, my girlfriend already knows that I'm pathetically emotional when it comes to movies, but this got me to thinking...when is it socially acceptable for a man to cry in public or in front of others. With that being said, here is my list of the Top 5 Most Acceptable reasons for a man to cry in public minus the obvious, and not very fun to talk about, death of a loved one.

Checklist of Josh McDaniels' Goals

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:48:23 EST

The new head coach of the Denver Broncos, Josh McDaniels is doing an amazing job...if he is hoping to destroy one of the most storied NFL franchises in only one year. Thanks to my inside sources, I have acquired a checklist of Josh McDaniels' goals for the 2009 season.

MY GOALS THIS SEASON BY JOSH McDANIELS 1. Expose myself as a liar : Check 2. Stockpile more running backs than we need : Check 3. Trade Away Franchise Quarterback : Check 4. Use my first round pick on another running back : Check

5. Name a backup quarterback as my starting quarterback : Check

6 . Upset my Pro-Bowl receiver to the point where he requests a trade : Check

Night Out on the Frown

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:14:50 EDT

From the end of high school, through college and the years thereafter, I have been to my share of bars and clubs and would like to think I have a pretty good grasp of what is and isn't appropriate to wear, keeping in mind the type of bar or club, the occasion and the location of the establishment. So when I visited Off the Hookah, a bar and lounge in Downtown Fort Lauderdale, FL, last weekend and was told I had to remove my hat to enter, I was none to pleased to say the least.

Also, I feel that it is important to note that I am a very reasonable person who rarely ever gets upset over anything and always attempts to look at any situation from the other party's point of view before forming an opinion or...writing a blog about what I find to be...well for the use of a better term...not logical in the mind of a socially succesful human being. But the more I thought about it, the less it made sense and the more everything about the lounge started to agitate me.

Learn from the Ladies

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:14:57 EDT

June is here, and yes that means that Summer is also here along with a relentless amount of rain in South Florida, but what it also means is that the time has come for me to engulf myself in the wonderful world of Women's College Softball. Yes, I know. I get made fun of for watching women's softball all the time, but when the Women's College World Series rolls around, I can't help myself. This stuff is entertaining people!

Besides the fact that I still haven't grasped the concept of being able to throw a ball underhand at about 65 mph, how many times can you watch an athlete wear skin tight pants and a shiny bow in their hair. I can't think of any unless Dennis Rodman conducting a publicity stunt counts. Aside from the entertaining aspects of the game, which involves more cheers and signature handshakes that a patty-cake competition at recess, I was extremely impressed by one of the teams in the WCWS this season.

Do Their Parents Hate Them?

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:50:29 EDT

Last week I broke down the 10 best names currently in baseball and this week I promised to do the same for the 10 worst. Over the years, there have been some names in baseball that I am not even sure I can type for this blog, so I am going to keep myself out of trouble; however, I am sure you know what they are. If you don't, a quick Google search will fill you in on the topic.

Now, I understand that some people may find these names quite entertaining and feel they deserve to find a place in the best baseball names, but some of these are just cruel, especially for a young kid growing up. A few are pertaining to the names chosen by the ball players' parents, yet the majority address the last name acquired at birth, which makes you wonder...where do such terrible last names come from? Good names or bad names, these players find a way to entertain us when our team is getting crushed and we still have 15 beers to kill in the third inning.

What's in a name?

Thu, 14 May 2009 11:50:03 EDT

I have always thought that sports provided us with some great and not-so-great names, with baseball carrying the cream of the crop. There have been some spectacular names that have come from America's Past Time like Mookie Wilson and Rollie Fingers. Our favorite game has had quite a few changes over the years, some for the greater good of the game and some which the all fans would like to forget. With that being said, the young superstars have taken the game to another level and we are all counting on them to put the whole steroid era behind us. With that being said, I know we are tired of hearing and talking about the negativity of the past, so I would like to focus on a fun part of the game. The new wave of players who entertain us because of the names their parents either gave them or they were forced to inherit. Here is a list of my ten best and ten worst names (to be released next week) in baseball.

Most Valuable Disappointment

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:57:14 EDT

As sports fans, we all marvel at the skills portrayed on the court, field or ice and tend to idolize certain players whether they are 20 years older than us or 30 years younger than us. Many of us live for a certain sport and bleed the colors of our favorite teams and will do so until the day we die. This leads to becoming huge fans of players on our favorite teams, especially when a certain players puts the entire team on their shoulders and carries the franchise to win after win, yet some of these star players are not particulary what we think they are or more accurately, what we would like them to be. What I'm getting at is the wondeful persona that is displayed during interviews and guest appearances does not always represent the way an athlete carries him or herself when the cameras are not on, and I got the chance to experience this first hand with a basketball superstar.

Sorry, We're Out of Draft

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:13:15 EDT

As much as I live for the NFL Draft, it's tough for me to say that I'm glad it's over. When the draft is actually going on, I can't get enough of it. Even as a little kid, I can remember recording every pick that was made on my own draft board and crossing off the names once they were selected. Of course, my day was always ruined once the Dolphins made their first pick, but I was always excited up until that point. I don't know what it is about being involved in a draft that intrigues me, but I have always been enamored with everything that goes along with it. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my love for fantasy football, college football and the NFL from a young age, and I guess that's why there are certain things that are starting to bother me. I'm sure that I'm not the only person starting to get fed up with everything surrounding the draft, but I have a few ideas to help fix these problems, because nobody likes a complainer unless he or she actually has something to offer better than what is currently in place...

Fantasy Fluke

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 20:05:34 EDT

So here I am on a Wendesday and I find myself one day away from winning my first ever fantasy basketball championship with a 210 point cushion in the championship match-up. I really didn't even want to play as I am not the biggest NBA fan to begin with and while I am an absolute fantasy football and baseball geek, I just don't have the same interest in basketball. I don't know enough about the game, the players or the stratagey behind the draft; nevertheless, the production crew needed one more manager and it was only 10 dollars to enter, so I figured why not? Everyone can beat up on my team week in and week out and then all my colleagues will like me. However, it didn't work out that way and I will be taking everyone's money. Let's take a look at my unmatched strategy which got me to this point.

Posing as Parcells

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 20:09:13 EDT

Apparently the important people in charge of organizing this inaugural NFL Mock Draft suffered a massive trauma to the head on the day I applied to represent the Dolphins since I was actually accepted. Let's take a look at why they thought I was qualified...

I have been working for CBSSports for over three years now and I have been a Miami Dolphins fan since I was old enough to remember anything at all. I believe my first coherent phrase as a child was "Touchdown Dolphins!" Miami Dolphins Football was more of a religion in my household and missing a Dolphins game was grounds for excommunication, which is why I have never missed one. I can remember crying myself to sleep the year Pete Stoyanovich missed a game winning field goal against the Kansas City Chiefs in the playoffs along with my mother consistently lecturing me on how I can't allow a loss to affect my entire week. I have since become a little more capable of handling wins and losses with a steadier outlook on the season and franchise, but the passion still remains the same as my knowledge about the game continues to grow.

The Tools of April Fools

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 20:12:06 EDT

The day has come. The day every prankster and joker lives for and dreams about all year long. April Fools' Day is upon us. This day is like Halloween for all the women that can't wait to dress like a ....well, you get the idea. However, this day is not for everyone. While most people forget about this wonderful day or even cower in the wake of its greatness, it takes a special person to really understand the importance of April Fools' Day and truly succeed in making it a day that contributes to a better world.

Before I delve into some great pranks, the strategy behind them and how well they play out, I must first discuss the type of person it takes to be a successful and long-tenured prankster and certain guidelines that must be followed. A prankster must first understand that once he or she plays a joke on any friend, they are opening up a can of worms that will never ever be closed again. If you plan on involving yourself in the wonderful world of pranks, the person you are playing the prank on must have an excellent sense of humor and more important than that, you must have an even more accepting sense of humor. Why is that? Because you will receive whatever you pull off twice as bad. People don't forget, and they are going to get you back. This leads me to my final rule. The best prankster knows when to draw the line and keep things funny, yet not downright wrong. Don't mess around with people dying, curing diseases, family members disappearing, the mother of a man's children and pets. Other than that, all is fair in pranks and April Fools' Day. Now, onto the fun part...